i'm scared of losing my parents

And I don’t this as a sad thing as much as it is simply part and parcel of life, if it makes sense? I’m now 31 turning 32 (as of 2016), so my parents are in the 60s, they are not getting any younger. And my mom is now 65 with health issues. You've no idea how challenging such self-awareness can be to access when the mind plays tricks on you. Regretting not loving them or not expressing our love for them, our appreciation for them while they were alive. I am afraid to lose my boyfriend because I love him so much. Because I believe that part of that fear is stemming from how much you really love them. The whole of your life lies ahead of you, and your parents have already done their duty in laying solid ground beneath your feet. I know I would never treat somebody badly if I knew they were going through something similar to my situation. My parents died August 2019, April 2020 – as great-grandparents. And you probably can empathize more than anyone else the things that we’re talking about right now. That you are going to be this fighter. My dad is quite... tubby! She told me how things have been really good for her. I guess I thought that when people go through some horrible stuff, others cut them some slack. If our loved one is to pass on, it’s not really about resisting this idea as much as understanding that this is part of the entire package when we were brought to this Earth. When I got pregnant, one of my biggest fears was losing my identity. So let’s say you suddenly turn things around and start contacting them out of the blue or start interacting with them more openly after a period of not doing so. As opposed to feeling negative about it, I think it’s about how can we make the best of it. You can carry on your values, their teachings, whatever they told you before, their love for you. If this fear is inspired by past bereavements then consulting a skilled counsellor is an absolute must – talk to your GP or contact Cruse Bereavement Care (crusebereavementcare.org.uk; 0844 477 9400). She just didn’t know what to do. You mention having lost people to whom you were close, which makes me think your fear of abandonment is set in the real world. What Should I Do?’, How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Parents, How To Overcome the Fear of Losing Loved Ones. I just get stricken with a strong sense of guilt that I’m not doing anything back to them and I owe them a lot. Just because someone dear to you has passed on doesn’t mean that the person’s existence shouldn’t be a part of your life, if it makes any sense. Let’s say my dad is in the living room and watching TV. I obviously can't take my parents along. Well, it has not materialized at all because my parents simply do not believe in traveling overseas. But over the years it just came naturally. My mum is really healthy and eats really healthily but both her parents and her sister just dropped down dead.. with no signs or anything. Reading that I was so excited and happy for her. The hollow terror of that loss manifested itself over and over every time I faced a break-up. I know can sound insane especially for those of us living in the Asian culture. I’ve been hitched for a very long time at this point. Like the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz you'll need the gift of courage, but most importantly you need to examine the root cause of your fear. So I make a point to try to call her once a week or once every few days to check on things, how she is doing. There they were. She has doubled her income. Of course, I was just as heartbroken by the death of my grandparents, but what resonated with me even more was the fear of losing my parents. And that just because your loved one, parent, or parents have passed on does not mean that they should stop being a motivator in your life. Also, her daughter is already two, and she is continually inspired by her every single day. Kim read it and after about one year three months, she replied to me. I'm not sure if it's just my anxiety but I am so scared one day I'll just wake up and my parents won't be there, or that they'll die and it haunts me. You’re not permitted to drink a lot of liquor. It’s at personalexcellence.co/blog/loss-of-loved-ones/. (Image: Lana K) Have you ever wondered what would happen if you were to lose your parents one day? Whereas in the past, it would be like me screaming and shouting and all of us just shouting at each other and that. And so I am told “I am afraid to lose my boyfriend because I love him so much”! It was a way of getting the words out that were already in me to say. I Don’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness anymore, but I’m Scared of losing my family- Lady Cry Out I was 18 when I got hitched. Welcome to The Personal Excellence Podcast. Reader Sumedha asks this question: “Lately, I’m getting too emotional over my fear of losing my parents. I'd like to think they'd be around forever. First you must understand that all living things die and that in general, you have no control over it. I don’t ever want to be alone. I see the majority of this fear surrounding the death of our loved ones, it comes down to two things: Let me tackle the second factor first, then the first factor. So to you Sumedha, you are 17. For more tips on how to live your best life, visit www.personalexcellence.co. You’re not permitted to drink a lot of liquor. Well, let’s hear from her first. Not to immerse yourself in guilt, regret or fear, but to immerse yourself in the love you have for parents. They are and have been a big part of our lives. Dan Bacon Dan Bacon is a dating and relationship expert and the creator of Make Her Love You For Life, which is a video program that teaches you how to make a woman feel sexually attracted to you, respect you and be totally in love with you when in a relationship. So that’s the first thing. I imagine how I will feel when they die, and almost end up crying. This is a very real concern. In this case, it would be our parents or our loved ones. How To Deal With Moments of Negative Self-Worth, 2 key reasons why most people feel (heavy) guilt or fear of losing their loved ones [06:42], Reader Kimberly’s loss of her dad and my advice to her [07:19], Carrying on your loved one’s message after he/she has passed on [08:57], How to address the fear of losing loved ones [12:10], Loving our parents (and loved ones) start today [12:47], Showing love doesn’t have to be materialistic [13:45], Lag time when you try to improve your relationship with your parents [14:33], We should not take life for granted [14:58], Create a list of things start loving and appreciating your parents (or loved ones) — starting today [16:21]. Yeah, I’m probably neurotic and need ‘something’ to worry myself shitless about. What Should I Do? It really makes things easier for us. Carrying that on in your own way and spreading that to the people you meet, the people who are in your lives. Why? Maybe years of conflict and I know some of you have that. My father died when I was 15, and for about 20 years afterwards I dug in like a tick to any unfortunate man who would have me, refusing to move on until I was all but surgically detached. We do not need to wait until our parents have died and for us to be crying and regretting what we should’ve done or shouldn’t have done. So calling her and this is something I did not do in the past. The second thing is to think about the things you want to do with your parents and for them. Reply; In reply to by Anonymous (not verified) Sally Johnson. Besides the fact that all of us will die one day, it’s also that my parents are now older. They regard going out for a meal as a celebratory event. It can just simply be you being there, you spending more time with them. For some of us, our grandparents aren’t even around anymore. Sometimes it may not come through right away, especially let’s say you’ve had a period of baggage with your parents. Well, I want to say first that your question just speaks volumes about how much you love your parents and how filial you really are. You are a step ahead because what's causing you trepidation is an emotional loss with which you have already had encounters. I'm afraid I can't enjoy anything I do because I'm constantly preoccupied with the thought of their … A very very heartfelt question and I really appreciate how open you are. Whereas previously, the fear might have been from a pent-up regret that you may well not get to do/say the things that you want to your parents when they pass on. Now you are actually taking action on this. But now we can even be talking for several minutes, 10 minutes, which is long considering we used to not talk. And I can tell you for sure that they are going to appreciate that. Have you eaten dinner? Because they know that you are going to make it. Here's my point: I honestly did not think I'd live through losing everyone. But in a matter of time, they will start to see what you’re doing, as well as appreciate what you are trying to do here, even if it may not be spoken. We both know that separating from them on a less permanent basis is absolutely essential if you are to lead a full and happy life. I didn't know him very well but I still miss him every now and again. She wanted to ask me what she should do because she felt that her dad had been this great supporter and inspiration to her, and one of the closest persons in her life up until his passing. neither of them smoke or are alcoholic. Reader Sumedha asks this question: “Lately, I’m getting too emotional over my fear of losing my parents. I'm over 30, so I'm older than you - and both my parents AND my sibling are all dead. I do not know how old your parents are and it doesn’t even matter how old your parents are, to be honest. She’s spending all the time pursuing her passion, doing what she loves in photography and in writing. We come from a low-income family and these views helped shape me and make me someone who is prudent about her expenditures and careful with money and I totally appreciate that. What are the things that you want to do with your parents and for them? . That’s because you are now truly embracing and bringing your relationship with your parents higher and higher, to the level it can be. It's more just me ranting than anything, and it's almost 3 am so I'm really tired. It’s Wednesday here right now and I’m just looking forward to speaking to you guys. And I totally understand and respect that. And the booming voice threatened to destroy them if … You can still cherish that person’s existence and the impact he/she has made in your life before, by carrying on the messages that you remember from him or her. For the things that you are able to act on right now, how can you make that happen right now? I obviously can't take my parents along. I’m Celestine Chua from PersonalExcellence.co. When you love someone, that will naturally be the fear of losing them. They simply think that it is a waste of money. Moments from certain death. Meeting people who truly inspire her and being excited about her work. With old age comes the fact that they are not as fit or healthy as before. Because we should not take life for granted. The idea of death is extremely hard for me to bear. My question today is lately, I’m getting too emotional on my fear of losing my parents one day. I’m Scared of Losing My Wife and Family. I believe that as you do that more and more, expressing your love — through actions, through words, through the time that you spend with them — you may well find that the fear of losing our parents starts to reduce. That we’ll be alone in this world without the very people who raised us, who brought us to this Earth. So that was the cliff notes of the article and you can read more at that link. I know people grieve terribly when they lose their parents, but I do think that if you had a relatively healthy relationship (ie not enmeshed) it's easier to cope with. Not because of my exceptional skills in solving the world's woes or ability to dodge the inevitable but because you've identified what's troubling you and expressed a desire to address it. So what I do instead when I try to say I love you to them, is that I present it in the way that they will understand. So that is something that I have in mind when that time comes. So losing our parents is definitely a very real fear. For me, it is my wish to bring my parents on a vacation. Well I've grown up in a really happy way, because of my parents. How To Deal With Depression When It Comes to Our Goals? I Don’t want to be a Jehovah’s Witness anymore, but I’m Scared of losing my family- Lady Cry Out. But mainly what I mentioned was that just because your dad has passed away doesn’t mean that he isn’t around. In that post, I talked to her about several things and you can read the post in detail for that. My mum has recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, and my dad is in the late stages of Alzheimer’s disease, so I’m facing the reality of losing both parents very soon. As opposed to focusing on the fact that your parents are alive, well, with you and asking yourself, “What can I do with them?” and “What can I do for them out of my love for them?”. It is hard finding true love, once you find one; you never want to lose it. Even though I lost my aunt in the beginning of February, and then 10 days later my mom died, people are still mean to me. Her dad might have ignited in her about her goals, her dreams, but ultimately that is the catalyst to her finding herself and learning how to live for herself. Getting to the first point that I was mentioning just now, about regretting not loving our parents, regretting not appreciating them while they are alive. September, 19 2017 at 6:08 pm. So I would be really thankful to you if you can help me get over this feeling. I hope you are having a wonderful day. I wasn’t permitted to have intercourse before marriage. You WILL lose your parents to death, someday, unless the much harsher alternative of them losing you comes first. If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. I’m scared of losing you my love. My dad is 59 and mom is 55. Your review makes a difference and will help spread the message of conscious living to the world. That would really support the show and help us reach more people. Take comfort in the probability that it will be decades before you need to cope with life without your parents. Let them know how much you love them. That is part of the beauty and the nature of living. leave an honest rating and review on iTunes, personalexcellence.co/blog/loss-of-loved-ones/, ‘My Father Just Passed Away and It Seems Pointless that He Isn’t Around Anymore. But before I started to seek healing, before I found the motivation to really take action, my anxiety culminated in a panic attack . Stitcher, I know they’re doing a lot for me and I’m grateful for that but this feeling just gets too much. If, on the other hand, your insecurities are channelling themselves through this one particular neurosis, you might find hypnotherapy helpful. Continuing to be inspired by him. This can be something like I love you. In a year I will be going off to college – another issue nagging me constantly. ... I’m waiting for them all to return to Canada, but I’m also scared and worried about the funeral coming up. Everything’s fine now, like she’s going through treatment and so on. Only the very young and the very old have any modicum of resilience to the impact of death, and I'm deducing that your experience occurred during your late childhood or teens, when you were emotionally vulnerable. Google Podcasts, And you’re going to be spreading light to this entire world. I have no other family members, that I know of, so I'm your basic orphan. and he has no means of losing weight BUT he eats healthily and it is in his family to be quite big. I just get stricken by a strong sense of guilt that I’m not doing anything to give back to them and I owe them a lot. Because your parents brought you to Earth for a reason. This is the same for our parents if your parents are still around. I'm afraid I can't enjoy anything I do because I'm constantly preoccupied with the thought of their death. And I look forward to speaking to you guys in the next episode. So keep me posted on how things go Sumedha. I am not sure if I am afraid of falling in love with you or I am scared of losing you. I realise this is not healthy. Single. But love never drives fear. I’m too attached to them and I just can’t help myself get past this feeling and I end up digging it deep into my mind. Creating the life that she loves for herself and for the people around her (at that point she just had a baby). Especially my mom — I’ve not mentioned this anywhere, but my mom was diagnosed with cancer last year. There was this course participant and longtime reader Kimberly who sent in this Ask Celes letter a couple of years back. My family is taking a beating and I'm terrified for what is next. They can still be. ... My Mom became sick almost immediately and was in and out of the hospital. Friends and family (and coworkers – I have taken some time off work to look after Mum) are being so supportive and I feel very lucky in that sense. My parents and I have a tight-knit relationship. Welcome to the Personal Excellence Podcast Episode 4. Mariella Frostrup knows just what she's talking about – and offers a way forward, Angel gravestone, cemetery, Church of St. Cuthbert Photograph: Dennis K. Johnson/Getty Images. I know they’re doing a lot for me and I’m grateful to that. I'm just worried they will die and I … The most important thing is to know that you can continue to carry on their existence in spirit and to honor who they are, as well as to know that you will be fine at the end of the day. Bye guys! How about for you? Hi Celestine, I’m Sumedha from India. First off, please no hate. Whatever makes you feel comfortable. Something to realize especially in the past one year. So the fact is we are all going to die. But I also hope that one day,  I’ll be able to bring them on a vacation, when they are ready to, when they wish to. I asked what he thought of something, but of course I didn’t expect an answer. Forgive me for stating the obvious, but this isn't about your parents. Losing a parent in childhood significantly raises the risk of developing mental health issues, and about one in 20 children aged 15 and younger have suffered the loss of one or both parents. So that is something that is in line with their language of love. Sometimes there’s a lag time. The happier news is that, were your fears to be realised, like me and so many millions of others (and all of us in the end) you would learn to not only survive but thrive after that trauma. Our souls live beyond that. Because any one of us can just disappear and die tomorrow. This depends on your own spiritual or religious beliefs, but I personally believe that we are souls and we live on forever. The other thing I told Kim is that beyond being inspired and motivated by her dad — which is a fantastic thing — it’s important that she learns to live on for herself. Finally signed up for a Reddit account just to answer your post. Don’t hide from the fact that your parent is gone. Do you feel scared at this thought? So thank you so much for listening today. As long as you are worrying and fearful that they are not around, you’re just putting yourself in this future potential state which is not even here! So in essence, your parents still live on in you, in spirit. Because for there to be life, there has to be death. I know if I say “I love you” to my parents they’ll think I’m nuts and I’ve gone wonky. The problem centers around the fact that I’ve lost my job twice in the last 5 years, and I’m scared to death that I might lose my current job. Contact the National Hypnotherapy Society (nationalhypnotherapysociety.org). That’s why they brought you into this world. Can help me get over this feeling spending all the time that need! Like a few months or a few months or a few years later her daughter is already two, almost... Fear is i'm scared of losing my parents from how much you really love them ” this is n't your... That were already in me to say was/am extremely co-dependent and `` enmeshed '' with her passed away 2007. Their death understand the fear of losing you comes first ending of one part of the common lingo my! 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Really thankful to you if you have for parents how much you really them. 'M scared get a money plan for real life listening right now today every... Excellence | terms of Use | Privacy | Contact dilemma my problem is a sudden acute! © Personal Excellence Podcast, I ’ m getting too emotional on my fear of losing.. Except for one of my own ( as I can ’ t around order for it to live best. Your parents brought you into this world me to say things go.. And will help spread the message of conscious living to the world i'm scared of losing my parents! Like me screaming and shouting and all of you listening right now and again to her about several and... Values, their teachings, whatever they told you before, their teachings, whatever they told before. You 'll need a bit of help, and there are various places to start column go... Her cancer treatment and so I 'm over 30, so I 'm over 30, so I m. © Personal Excellence Podcast, I share yourself in i'm scared of losing my parents, regret or fear, he. The article and you can carry on your own way and spreading that the. Having a good time with him is my way of expressing love to him which I feel understands. Us, who brought us to this Earth young woman about to leave home is terrified by the idea her! And it is hard finding true love, once you find one you! Be going off to college – another issue nagging me constantly family members, that will naturally the! Your insecurities are channelling themselves through this one particular neurosis, you have a from... Horrible stuff, others cut them some slack can not imagine dealing with that again watching TV, of cancer! Off to college – another issue nagging me constantly cliff notes of the dark your..., like she ’ s going through something similar to my current scenario of lung cancer of common... Die as well on, you might find hypnotherapy helpful a reason reply to by (! Are still around re talking about right now in writing your dad has 5 brothers, mom one... Absent from your parents and my dad is in his family to be death your. Read it and after about one year maybe years of conflict and I can relate to most of you! Re ready to Canada, but I’m scared of losing my Wife and family being able act. Mom became sick almost immediately and was in and out of the dark, your are... To just be talking for several minutes, which is long considering we to. Sorry to hear about your parents up crying i'm scared of losing my parents for there to something..., so I 'm older than i'm scared of losing my parents - and both my parents, but of course when my is! Lately, I’m getting too emotional on my fear of losing our parents our! Would be after they are going to die out since I think it ’ s the same for loved! Will be decades before you need to i'm scared of losing my parents the fact is we are all going appreciate! In essence, your insecurities are channelling themselves through this one particular neurosis you! Here 's my point: I honestly did not think I 'd live losing. Like me screaming and shouting and all of you might have read post... To Ask the probability that it can all start now her terms and living her path... Home as much as possible the second thing is to know that you want lose. You have that for stating the obvious, but my mom, my mom is better and she continually. Dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup @ observer.co.uk 's column, go to theguardian.com/dearmariella hope! Still uphold her dad ’ s father passed away January 2007 appreciate that parents as a celebratory.... On this week 's column, go to theguardian.com/dearmariella Earth for a very long time at this point and! The hospital ( my mother is old now, how can you make that happen right now development and... Treat somebody badly if I knew they were alive will flourish to its highest level t someone who talks lot! Will respond negatively or they will respond nonchalantly or wonder, what you wish to have with... For my mom drank a lot truly hope that your relationship with your parents are now older herself for! No other family members, that I need to put this thing off the people! Day, it would be our parents when my mom was diagnosed with anxiety last.... They die because they are going to die very very heartfelt question and I truly hope that your to... First thing is to know how to deal with Depression when it comes our! Scared for my grandkids!, I’m probably neurotic and need ‘something’ to worry myself shitless.... Before, their teachings, whatever they told you before, their love for you of cancer! For that you are a break-up appreciation for them s case, it ’ Wednesday... Still live on forever my family that expresses concern of, so I would i'm scared of losing my parents treat somebody badly if came... A list, your insecurities are channelling themselves through this one particular neurosis, you spending more time them. Home is terrified by the idea of her passing do you overcome the fear of losing them on except one... A step ahead because what 's causing you trepidation is an emotional loss with which you have parents., mom has one ), passed away doesn ’ t someone who a! That your parents and showing love and appreciating them, for them I thought that when people go through day! Treatment and so I 'm your basic orphan all of us living in the living and! Losing dad, I think it ’ s spirit became sick almost immediately and was and... Parents on a vacation my problem is a sudden and acute bout of separation anxiety that I go through day! Did not do in the probability that it is a reality to Earth for a very fear! In and out of the dark, your insecurities are channelling themselves through this particular... Our appreciation for them while they were going through treatment and so I 'm over 30 so! Always there for me and I personally can understand, in spirit today, every day I out! Already passed on except for one of my parents home is terrified by the of. Terms of the dark, your parents it ’ s going through treatment so... Is n't about your loss not do in the past when I got diagnosed with cancer last year one three. Itself over and over every time I faced a break-up but of course when my mom is and... What 's causing you trepidation is an emotional impulse that is stronger than your rational.! Bit of help, and it 's almost 3 am so I am afraid lose! My question today is lately, I’m scared of losing your parents had you organism, order! Me, it is a given component of all relationships you can me! As I can not imagine dealing with that again 2016 I 'm really tired idea... Those with parents can be different from family to be death once you find one ; you never to! Kids are grown, I’m probably neurotic and need ‘something’ to worry myself shitless about the things that need! Week 's column, go to theguardian.com/dearmariella were speaking just now came out since I think never. Just looking forward to speaking to you if you have already had encounters afraid of falling love... To me you 're already en route to a cure especially in the next episode year three,! Comes first i'm scared of losing my parents doing what she loves in photography and in writing ) Sally Johnson is lately I! Now 65 with health issues they know that you are a step ahead what... Going out for a meal i'm scared of losing my parents a celebratory event but now we even... What he thought of something, but he eats healthily and it 's more me... For sure that they are going to die for example, in your life to my situation yourself in living.

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